PRAISE THE LORD, I CAN WALK(ish)!!!
And by that, I truly mean praise the IMMENSE outpouring of love, and prayers, and money, and support from friends and family (and even a couple strangers, can I get an AMEN??!!) There are hurricanes, and earthquakes, and flooding, and fires, and threats of nuclear annihilation going on daily. And yet, these fine, fine beings have taken the time to express thoughtfulness in the face of my apparent misfortune. And of course, when things happen that we're not wanting to happen, indeed it feels like misfortune. To boot... (and without going into any sad details), my relationship fell apart within the same 4 week time frame as all this Achilles chaos (Achillaos?). But here's the thing... all this amazing generosity, this incredible thoughtfulness that has gotten me through it all... has already transmuted what seemed like misfortune into something... open. Something less frantic. I'm still in quite the state, believe me. I've got two bum ankles, and one bum heart. But I've got a SEA of Love enveloping me. And amidst that Love Torrent, I keep actively telling myself how extremely fortunate I am in such a situation, considering how many tortured hearts and injured bodies there are RIGHT THIS SECOND on the planet who don't have anyone to even offer a kind word. I needed this wake up. I knew I needed this. I hate to admit that I needed this in such a crazy-ass way, but change always comes, people. You can try to be in the flow of those causes and conditions the best you can, or you can fight and kick and scream and cry until both your Achilles tendons burst and your heart up and breaks. But either way, that change is gonna come. I knew something would have to give. So it all gave. But now the actual shift that was necessary can occur without all my desperate grasping. Thing is, I can't take it for granted. Otherwise, I'll just keep making the same choices based on the same addictive neurotic habits. It's what we do. Hence this blog. I've always been a pretty open book with a big ol' juicy heart on my sleeve. But this shit just got REAL real. I've got two big ass scars on my ankles to prove it. I'm gonna get some Achilles-related ink there at some point to keep me reminded not to shoot myself in my weak spots again if I can avoid it.
Thing is... we NEED to keep our hearts wide open. We can't let the misfortune trample on our vulnerability. But we need to keep our minds spacious and flowin' amidst the storm that sometimes comes. All this Love I've received is transcendent. And I hope with all my being that it's the result of Love I've tried to give over the course of my life and Love I will decidedly keep giving until my dying breath. But if I don't actively synchronize that loving intention with the intent to let go, then I'll likely find myself treading chaotic waters again instead of floating down the tranquil river of constant change...
CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH!!!!